Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Just for laughs...


POLITICALLY INCORRECT

No harm in sounding a lot more elegant in your speech, take a look...Im sure this will get you cracking..will send some more soon. Knock yourself out!

A Criminal - unsavory character
A Crook - morally (ethically) challenged
Abortion - Near-Life Experience
Alcoholic - Anti-Sobriety Activist
Alive - temporarily metabolically abled.
An Immigrant - a newcomer
Assassination - involuntary term limitation
Bald - comb-free
Bald - folically independent
Bald - follicularly challenged.
Battle Fatigued - shellshocked
Blind - optically darker
Blind - photonically non-receptive
Blind - visually challenged
Body OBroken Down Automobile - mechanically challenged
Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family
Bum - Displaced Homeowner
Bum - Homeless Person
Bum - Involuntarily Domiciled
Cannibalism - Intra-Species Dining
Censorship - Selective Speech
Cheating - Academic Dishonesty
China - Porcelain
Chronically Late - Temporarily Challenged
Clumsy - uniquely coordinateddor - nondiscretionary fragrance.

Courtesy: www.bored.com

To be skinny or not to be?




Well recently, I was accused of being obamarised and therefore advised to be exorcised....lol. I wonder if the person was just jealous of the kind of attention I was giving to Obama...I really wonder....lol. Well, I found an interesting article on BET.com that reminded me of the 2001 presidential elections in Uganda which had two really strong candidates; Yoweri Museveni and Kizza Besigye. A lot of people felt the latter's appearance did him a diservice; they thought the whole blue-black-brown complexion was an indication that he had a terminal disease..does he? I have no idea, Im not his doctor.

Anyways, BET came out with an interesting article titled " Is Obama to skinny to be President?" An interesting read I must say...here goes:

"This question comes from the notion that most Americans of voting age are overweight - some 66 percent of the electorate in fact would be considered overweight; another 32 percent are obese, by most health measures. And to be string-bean thin, like Obama, is considered “different.” In fact, one “unnamed [Hillary] Clinton supporter” actually wrote on a Yahoo political message board: “I won’t vote for any beanpole guy.”


"But is this “difference” really enough of a reason to say that the thin candidate can’t relate to our issues? OR, is this yet another smokescreen that people are using to hide their true feelings - that they would never vote to elect a Black president? Sounds like a smokescreen to me. I’m no beanpole, but certainly Obama’s weight - or lack thereof - won’t matter to me when I get in the voting booth. Isn’t it a bit shallow to make a presidential choice that way? Shouldn’t it matter more to that Hillary supporter that there’s someone in the White House who supports women’s rights, equal opportunities for women and the right of everyone to have health care and get an education - regardless of his or her weight? Shouldn’t it matter more that one is able to relate to a candidate based on what he says he’ll do and how he’s voted in the past, instead of whether he’s skinny or fat?"

Frankly I dont know if a Presidential candidate's wieght is a factor in determining whether he or she could make a good president...but I believe it can be a turn off if you are obese. I believe the President is the number PR person of a country. That means his appearance counts..but whats the point in having a Denzel Washington or Matthew Fox look alike if they cant deliver! I wonder what you think...

I must start this post by apologising for the empty promise I made on Sunday; I promised that I would blog on Monday, but I didnt...too many issues!!!

First of all, I seem to be getting bored with my environment; I woke up this morning feeling bored and lonely...lol. Its not easy being away from home. I had to really psyche myself for work today and thank God for His grace, I managed to get my groove on and I had a fantastic show.

Life gets difficult sometimes, doesnt it? The problem here is that its not easy to make good friends..people will only be with you because there is something you have that they want. It could be anything ranging from your money, expertise and even your body!!! Scary huh? I believe if you can live here, you can live almost anywhere in the world. Port Harcourt is rather slow compared to Lagos but the level of insecurity is pretty high. Its advisable to keep a very low profile here or else you will be kidnapped!

Investigations conducted by security agencies have revealed that family members, househelps, drivers, friends and colleagues of the victim are largely responsible for these incidents. They tip off the militants and when the ransom is given, they share the loot. Strange things go on here....the daughter of the aide to the Deputy Governor of Lagos, recently staged her own kidnapping; when her father gave the kidnappers the ransom, they shared the loot. She had to confess afterwards though...lol. Absolutely ridiculous!

Kidnapping is big business in this country especially here in Rivers State; as long as your are a foriegner or related to a big shot, you really have to keep a low profile or else you will be kidnapped.

Well, yours truly takes it easy all the time...I have become slightly nigerianised!!! I can cook some Nigerian foods..not only that..i can do a little pidgin english so I kind of get lost in the crowd!! For how long, I really wonder...just watch this space!!! Lol.. have a great evening depending on what time it is in your part of the world!!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Still learning...


Just finished reading a major news bulletin on air and looks like I murdered a couple of Nigerian names!!! Lol...been here three years plus...but I just cant seem to pronounce them properly all the time. No matter how much I practice, my tongue just gets twisted during my "BBC moment"; the time I feel that I can compete favourably on the international air waves..lol. I wish!!!

Well I had to come to work today..story of my life...wish I was being extra for that but alas, it is not so.

I couldn't go to church today, had to tidy up a couple of things so I decided to spend quality time with the Lord and I must say, it was a great experience!!!

My devotion today focused on the purpose of prayer. I have lifted an extract from "Rhapsody of Realities", a devotional published by the Believer's Love World Inc. and written by Pastor Chris and Anita Oyakhilome..so here goes:

"We pray because of the impact it has on our spirits. Look at Jesus, He was always praying even though He was hundred percent God in human flesh. He spoke openly about His oneness with the Father, He didnt merely pray to get God to do something for Him, or bring the power down, for He was the embodiment of divinity. Why then did He pray? He prayed because of what prayer did to His spirit. Everytime He came down from the mountain after praying, tremendous miracles followed because He had activated the power through prayer"!

There you are; more prayer, more power, less prayer, less power, the choice is yours!!!

Have a great week!!

See ya tomorrow

Saturday, August 16, 2008


Its been raining cats and dogs since yesterday. When it rains in Port Harcourt, it gets extremely muddy and most of the roads are impassable. In fact, you are better off walking home that getting stuck in traffic during the evening rush hour; its absolutely terrible. I have moved through floods knee high and I have also been piggy backed because I'm a little vertically challenged........lol. Well, I have been thinking..where did the expression, :its raining cats and dogs come from? Well there are several theories...check them out World Wide Words offers several possible derivations for the saying, including an old sailor's myth that cats have sway over the weather. Feline meteorological magic, coupled with a symbolic association of storms with dogs, may be the genesis for the phrase. But we can't be sure.

The chatty etymology newsletter Take Our Word For It mentions another intriguing possibility. On account of the notorious inefficiency of 17th-century sewage and drainage systems, the streets of European cities were often littered with debris and dead animals after heavy rainstorms. They had to come from somewhere, right?

Animalplanet.com offers yet two more possibilities for this colorful expression. It could liken the racket made by a storm to the thunderous noise made by fighting cats and dogs. Or, it may arise from the era of thatched roofs when downpours would bring cats and dogs dozing atop houses down onto the occupants.

A general interest weather site run by Wheeling Jesuit University traces the history of raining wildlife. There are several accounts of frogs, fish, and grasshoppers falling from the sky, usually as a result of tornado-like whirlwinds. Cats and dogs, however, have yet to make the list.

The leading theory seems to be that animals have been associated with weather for centuries. Cats stand for rain, and dogs for wind.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Yawwwwwwwwwwn!!

I feel so sleepy today; its a wonder that I have been able to do my show this afternoon. I talked myself hoarse and by the time I was done, I was really drained.

You've probably noticed that I dont have any pictures on the blog yet...lol. I must admit that Im learning how to post pictures...when Im through with that, this blog will have a totally different look!!

Its time for me to go home..I hear its about to rain. When it rains in Port Harcourt (capital of Rivers State, Nigeria) you have to brace yourself for a major flood so Im out of here!!!

GIVE IT UP FOR THE LEFTIES!!

Today is International Day for Left Handers.

I know it sounds pretty weird but this day has been celebrated on August 13th since 1976. It was initiated by the International Left Handers Club in the US to promote awareness of the inconveniences facing left-handers in a predominantly right-handed world. Every year since then, they have celebrated their right to be left handed.

Now, why are people left handed?

No one has come up with a definitive reason for WHY some people are left-handed, but about 13% of the population around the world are, and it is thought to be genetic - it definitely runs in families. Researchers have recently located a gene they believe "makes it possible to have a left-handed child " so if you have that gene, one or more of your children may be left-handed, whereas without it, you will only have right-handers - sorry! The good news is, that if you are left-handed yourself, you have that gene and will pass it on through the generations!

So, whats the big deal?

Some researchers claim that we are more intelligent and eloquent that our right-handed counterparts. In tests conducted by Dr. Alan Searleman from St Lawrence University in New York, he found that left-handers can be considerably more intellectually gifted.
There were more left-handed people with IQs over 140 than right-handed people - which is the "genius" bracket. This is perhaps why there are more "lefties" in creative professions - such as music, art and writing - and more left-handed astronauts and leaders than would be expected.


So who are some of these lefthanders?

Leonardo Vinci, Prince William, Prince Charles, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Clinton, Tom Cruise, Whoopi Goldberg, Brad Pitt....its such a long list but Im sure these names do sound and look familiar!! They are all high achievers so if you are left handed...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

"The One"




This is a really interesting satirical piece that almost cracked my ribs, thanks to naijablog.blogspot.com which is a must read if you want to be intellectually stimulated all the time! Lots of food for thought.

Well here's some Obama mania, knock yourself out!!!

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/gerard_baker/article4392846.ece



He ventured forth to bring light to the world
The anointed one's pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action - and a blessing to all his faithful followers


And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”


In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.

And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the light unto all the world.

He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the
Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world.
And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.


From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.

And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child's very presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light.

And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.


From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered “Hosanna” and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his feet.

In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace.


As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.

And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.
And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again.

Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.

And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.

Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length.


But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him.

And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.

Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not.

On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One.

And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: “Yes, We Can.”

Lol.............I really feel sorry for Obama sometimes, inadvertently he's been described as the Black Messiah, that kind of sounds blasphemous but Im only regurgitating what the American media is talking about. Frankly I dont agree with that notion. What do you think?

Just wondering...

Its been a rather hectic start to the week!! I made up my mind to do whatever it is to the best of my ability no matter what the circumstances are. Sometimes, its so easy to get discouraged especially if you are as ambitious as I am. I love to get things when I want them but life is not always like that. Sometimes, you just have to wait and that can be a veeeeery painful process. Frankly, its only the grace of God that can keep you sane in the midst of it all. I have been living in Nigeria for over three years and if you havent learnt how to be patient and tolerant just by living here, then you will never learn.....lol.

I live in the Niger Delta region, Rivers State specifically. Almost every single day, one militant group or the other is threatening to cause mayhem in the country. Its either because a politician has said something they dont like or the Federal government is proposing to beef up security in the region. How can I forget to mention the people they kidnap all in the name of social justice; question is this, why dont they go ahead and deal with the leaders who are charged with the responsibility of developing the area. Where does all the revenue go? Beats me sometimes!!!

Thats why I love Nigeria; paradoxes!!!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

FINALLY, FINALLY

Finally, I have created this blog and Im really excited!!!! I guess my major challenge is to update it regularly but with your input Im sure it will be a pleasurable exercise. I have had a rather tough week; work, work, and more work. But more importantly, its a week where I felt every part of me screaming for help. I could have easily given up on so many things; I had too many questions but very few answers. I felt like just packing my bags and leaving on the next plane out of the state and out of the country but the Good Lord sustained me and I remembered that whatever it is Im going through is for a purpose and in order for me to reach my next destination, I must go through this, so here I am. My bags are unpacked and Im ready to roll...Welcome to my WORLD!!!